What is Love

I am back - realizing that I have something to say.

Please pass this along - I think it will be a challenge... and this is the beginning of a new walk. Join in...

Many years I have thought of love in relation to God always in two ways. My understanding of God loving me (the wonderful world of salvation) and my love towards others. There has been an approach to understanding it in the sense of "learning" how to love - I have been wrong… very wrong.

My previous pastor said one time - you don't really know what you are made of until you are thrown against a wall. And at that point whatever comes out is what you were really made of. I look at several times that I have been thrown against the wall. The one that first popped in my head was when I found out my future wife (this is in 1998) was diagnosed with Leukemia. I had no idea how to handle that news - new to understanding faith at a REALLY believing level. There was one thing I did understand, who to run to. So I did what every respecting young man would do… went driving. So I grabbed my acoustic guitar, loaded up my truck with a few drinks (water and powered - what where you thinking?) and headed out to the south. The only problem I realized once on the road was that south only had about 45 miles before it ran out - but I headed forward, raw, not talking, not crying, not speaking, simply driving. I remember remembering (keeping up?) about a story that my mother told me. FLASHBACK - we lived in Germany and were heading home from a trip to Austria when a truck dropped something and it slammed into the windshield of our little Audi car. Shattered the windshield immediately and my dad had to roll down the window to see to drive. We pulled in to a rest stop where my parents called a friend of ours to come and pick us up. Dad decided to break all the glass and drive home without a windshield. Now this part of the story I don't understand, but we will leave it the way it is since it was real to my mom. She was afraid for my dad's life for the drive home (I just kept thinking that at worst he would eat some strange bug that might make him sick). Nevertheless mom was praying and told God to please bring dad home safe. She said she heard God respond inside of her and say…"which home". Mom tells me the story as it became an almost immediate revelation to her - "whichever home YOU want".

FLASHFORWARD - I arrive at Holly Beach where there is surprisingly NO ONE there. I back my truck so that the back tires are in the water and hop into the bed of my truck. It was a simple prayer that started the tears, but it meant something to me "God, please bring Nili home safe". I didn't need to have an answer, and didn't need to understand, I just needed to be broken and open before God.

See, I am on the wonderful journey of life. And as young as I am, I have found some truths that are so misunderstood by many of the Body of Christ today. I am not an universalist, nor do I think that the Word of God is exclusive. I am simply in LOVE, and with God (although the two are interchangeable). I am not going to sit here and say that Biblical truths being defended, and the promises of God are not valid, but I am going to say that God KNOWS the heart of man….and we do not.

I didn't KNOW at the time that ALL things are possible for to him that believes according to HIS WORD (which simply means that faith can appropriate the miracle needed for my wife to live), however I had heard it a hundred times. I didn't KNOW that Gods love casts out all fear, although I had read that scripture many times. I didn't KNOW that more important than any answered prayer, or blessed action, or high figured bank account that I needed God. At that very moment I needed to know that He was there.

I am not sure how long I sat there and played my guitar, crying and trying to sing words of what I was feeling. But I do know that every song I sang turned into submission and understanding ...that I was so in love with God.

It has been over ten years since my wife was diagnosed with Leukemia, and it has been over ten years since she has had any cancer cells in her body. It has also been 3 kids walking and 2 kids swimming since the doctors said that she would not be able to have any children (the 2 kids swimming are the twins we are about to have).

The love journey - what is all of this about? I guess what I am saying is that Christ was about one thing - God's love for us (THAT'S IT). It wasn't about super christianity, or judgmental behavior, or even the rights and wrongs of humanity. It was about a relationship. God wanted to be one with us again. So, he died for us, so that we no longer have to (nor do we get to) judge one higher, or lower - we simply have to LOVE.

Now, don't you worry. I know that I am going to start to get a lot of flack for this way of believing. But I am going to boldy say something that will upset a lot of "christians". I added the quotes not to imply a lack of christianity, but to differentiate between a christian and a non-christian - see non christians don't really get upset over this statement (maybe we need to get the hint). Being in a relationship with God isn't about nuclear families, mega millions, and a fancy car. It isn't about being drunk in the spirit and falling out. It isn't about praying 24 hours watches, and fasting 40 days. Being in a relationship is about one thing - LOVE.

Side disclaimer to all those who were offended. Just like a daddy, God wants the best for us. It is all available to us in the promises that are TRUE. We are to be blessed, to be prosperous, to have favor, to be above, to be intimate with God. BUT if we have the tongues of angels and have not love - we are only making a disruptive noise, if we have riches untold and all the wealth of kings, but have not LOVE we have missed the gift that was REALLY given to us. TO LOVE.

See christianity is all about the sex, drugs and alcohol… and the hurting, lost, and dying generation. We have convinced ourselves into a life that is consumed with self-preservation, self-promotion, and self-indulgence. We react to situations completely based on how it affects us, when the WHOLE reason we are here is to affect others. Who really cares if the clerk at McDonalds got your order wrong when their life is in shambles. Yet we sit in our car and speak rudely about her, or even to her.

I could go on for hours, but I think I will choose to step aside for the night… and get ready for tomorrow…

Just remember…maybe God's prayer for each soul in life is simply… Bring them home…safely.

Getting ready for what?

Today is a beautiful Tuesday in NOLA (that is New Orleans Louisiana) - the weather is amazing, the temperature feels as if I live in Colorado, humidity is down... environmentally incredible.  Just a thought and description of what I am missing in the office today.

So now to the blog at hand... There has been much mulling in my head over the past 6 months that I have been in NOLA - a lot of rethinking of what the church is about, and supposed to be about.  I guess prior to this I was always on the lower end of the totem pole of power (not that I am any higher - but it seems like it maybe).  Now that I am in conversation about the direction of a church, the vision, the actions, the potential - I find myself challenging what I have always known as church.  

The real question to me is what are we getting ready for?  I know that many church spend time talking about preparing yourself, and developing yourself for "that" time (at least in the charismatic sector of religious"ness").  But what are we really getting ready for anyways.  I mean when we look at the life of Christ...what was he getting ready for?  Some would say that He was getting ready to do His sacrifice for all men.  I would disagree.  I think took each day as it was.  I think that He truly was God in the limitations and flesh of man.  

-Side Note-  was Jesus really a carpenter like everyone says?  In those days to be a carpenter and study to become a rabbi didn't mix.  We will leave that one for another convo - back to the matter at hand...

What are you getting ready for?  Why do I always have to look forward to something? Why is it that when I look to something it hinders what I am doing today.  I think the Bible has so many simple truths that we have made into our own Christian IRS TAX Law of 123,498 rules instead of making it simple.  The simple truth is that we have a responsibility to deliver for today.  

That is right.  I said DELIVER for today.  There is a task, responsibility if you may, that we are given the power and privilege to perform daily.  That is to live our life, this moment, to the fullest of Christ as we can.  I cannot do this through the vain imaginations of tomorrow, or the next great thing.  I can only do this through the conscious effort of my own thoughts and actions on a moment by moment basis.  I am not saying that we have to throw out every dream and goal.  Oh the contrary.  We are to dream all the more, because the ability is taken from our hands and placed into the hands of whom we are serving, slave like, yet sons and daughters to.  We have to make the decision to handle THIS moment.  

What am I getting ready for?  I getting ready to finish the post and then get back to working on the worship for tomorrow night.  How can I do that best?  Not by worrying about tomorrow, not by stressing about who will be there or how it will go - nope.  Simply by doing the absolute best with this moment that I can.  Being in tune with God and executing at the moment I am living.  

That is about it for today!

Love to All

The 5 Minute Post

This is completely random... but why does it take me 10 minutes to write something that take you 1 minute to read.  Can you imagine if we were able to connect the thoughts to the words written.  However, I am writing this as fast as I am thinking this - so maybe it wouldn't help at all.  

I am not really in the mood to post anything controversial today, so I will leave the day alone and post something this week that will add some flavor.  I have an issue that I want to discuss about the "church" as a whole.  It is an observation and open to discussion.  

Anyways, our family is alive and well post Hurricane Gustav.  We survived, lost nothing - other than sleep - and are alive and well!

Praise God

Peace in the middle east

and behave yourself!

Ben

Busy...good luck...controversy

Ok - so here we are again... apologizing for not having written any updates.  I truly want this to be a forum of thoughts and moments, so I will work on my consistency!

Title 1:  Busy

I think that everyone of us can qualify our lives as busy so the new disclaimer that we have taken here at our office is that NO ONE can claim to be busy.  It just doesn't work in a purposeful, ministry driven environment.  We have made it law that we do not say "I am too busy".  Why?

I am glad you asked.  I have a strong opinion on this one.  It goes back to the self-preserving attitude we often find ourselves (we... meaning all of us as a human race).  We feel it necessary to let everyone know how things affect US.  Think about it - if we make the comment that we are "busy" - it is often followed by one of the following:

A. "whew" and hand swipe across the brow as if to say that we are sweating and working hard

B.  An explanation of all the deadlines and things we have to have accomplished in a very minimal amount of time... along with the words "and that is just for this week!!!"

C.  Vague comment of "you don't want to know" - which really means that we don't really know why we are busy

I am not trying to say that no one is really busy, and that we are all just lazy, good for nothing people.  What I am trying to say is that we need to get over it.  So what, I am busy.  What good does it do for me to let one of the people in the ministry know that I was up till 4am painting signs for the children's ministry along with being over the Young Adults, Worship, Band practices, Youth Ministry, meeting coordinator, employee trainer, buying a house, selling a house, and dealing with the craziest apartment tenants who live under me (I sympathize with you Jimmy)!

The truth is that we are putting our needs, our inconveniences in the place of others when we act like that.  Basically, we want to people to take in to account how "busy" we are to excuse some level of behavior that is not Christ-like.  I know that sounds harsh, but why are we here anyways.  It is on me as a father and husband to keep my priorities straight, but my excuses for bad behavior, or missing some event, or delaying a response to someone is never the "right" thing to do. 

Again, I apologize for the "unpackaged" form of this post - as I am typing what I am thinking and not really reading over what I am typing  (some of you may find that offensive - but get over it).  It's america

Wow, that sounded harsh - sorry.  I am just upset with myself as I see behavior and traits that are so anti-christ.  Things that I have "chalked" up to personality, or acceptable deviation of perfection when in fact it is wrong to place myself before someone else.  I recently taught in the youth department about how the greatest problem with friendships and relationships is that the people involved place more value on the friendship than they do on the friend.  This is seen when we allow ourselves to make decisions based on how it would affect us instead of the value of the friend.  For example, we see someone making a bad decisions and instead of talking to them about it we ignore it because we do not want to risk the "relationship" when in fact the person's bad decisions are damning the person.  We are so self-centered that we don't risk the loss of a friend in order to help them... sad.   In fact, we are the same way in our families (working opposite).  We become so quick to judge according to our "standards" and "ideas" forgetting that the true importance isn't whether or not they fit under your idea of perfection or behavior, but rather the person themselves.

It kind of goes back to something that God literally spoke to me in my office one day.  "Ben, I don't have problems" - I was shocked and sat there for a second thinking "i kind of figured You didn't have problems".  When it came again "Ben, I don't have problems...I have people".  

Holy cow (red heifer) that made a lot of sense.  I was about to really come down on a leader about some behavior and was praying about how to handle it when God spoke that to me.

Think on that a bit - I will write more later 

:)

Living in the Moment

Ben

The Visible Inevitable Inability

Okay - so reality sets in, and the truth is that you are not as good as you think you are... Well, I guess I always knew how good or not good I was at something, but now others know it too. Yeah, I believe that is more in line with what is happening.
I have found that the best advice I have to give to someone is to truly be themselves. The ole cliche'. However, those words have obtained a new level of common dismissal. In other words, we hear them and they go in one ear and out the other. We say we understand this simple principle but when someone accuses us of forgetting a birthday, the first response we have is an excuse. Or when we realize that we may have forgotten to invite someone to a "get-together" that may cause some hurt feelings... our response is to try to "cover" it up.

Why is that?

I had a conversation with a fellow employee the other day, that I believe will open our eyes to what I am posting about. The conversation began with a desire to improve their part in the ministry... in this case they have the opportunity to minister in the area of music. Through probing questions we came to the conclusion that we need to create an "environment of understanding" in this area of music, thus requiring this individual to speak in front a group of people. In comes the visible, inevitable inability. Their response was "I can't speak in front of people, I stumble over my words". (Now every pastor or biblical reader in this posting forum is clicking in your heads... "mention Moses to them, mention Moses") but nope - I did not.

"What is your fear" I asked
"That I will mess up my words..."
I responded "Why does that scare you"?
Their response went into the same as all of us... and I mean ALL of us.
"They will think less of me" or "They will think I am not a good speaker"

To which I responded my wonderful, most probing question
"Are you a good speaker"

...silence

"No"

This opens a huge door. Honesty has created an opportunity, through vulnerability, to heal some obstacles of the past: fears, hurts, lack of affirmation, rejection.

"So they will think the truth about you?  That you are not a good speak?"

"I guess"

To which I replied my other "almost famous" line... "And what does that mean?"

See, it was about 9 years ago that I heard that an in-law had been talking about my adding of weight to my current skeletal frame (they said I was getting fat). It hurt. It hurt bad. So I went to my prayer closet and proceeded to tell God about this horrific thing that had been done to me...They said I was fat God...
To which the amazing voice said... "Ben, you are." WHAT!!! I couldn't believe that God was telling me I was fat. I could hear His voice saying "Well, you are getting a little soft around the stomach there, and could use to lose a few pounds". Devastated I cried and worked through some things when the most amazing thing happened. I began my journey of TRULY understanding the LOVE of God. God's concern for my weight was for me, not cause I looked bad, or because someone else could tell I was getting fat. In fact, I learned for the first time in my life that day... God Loved ME. God loved Me, Ben Stewart. No matter what.
I realize this post is getting huge so let me wrap this up this way. The very things that we work so hard to hide end up keeping us from truth and freedom. The fact is that I am still a little pudgy in the middle, however I do not have to hid behind that anymore. AND it does not make me any less of a person, UNLESS I let it hinder me from being WHO God has called me to be.
So the moral of the story is this... Your inevitable inabilities will show up at the most in-opportune time - and it WILL be visible for all to see. Be real with yourself and NEVER let your inabilities stop you from doing who God made you to be.
Remember God sees all, and He looks for the availability, not the ability!

The Marathon

Ok - so it may be a little early to set the goal of running a marathon, and to be honest I am a little ticked about the whole thing as well. This all began when I was part of the hiring process of an employee at my previous employer... confused yet. Basically we were hiring a Jr High pastor and I found this gentleman (he would say he found us) and we hired him.
One day he decides to tell me how he has run a marathon and basically dares me to run one. I simply tell him that I don't fall for the manipulation tactics and left it alone at that.

_story break_ when I was a little kid I dealt with a lot of fear... A LOT of fear. I was bound by it, but something broke inside of me that may make some sense to those of you who know me. I came to a realization that life is temporary - and that GOD had not given me a spirit of fear. So I turned the fear around into what I would personally call stupidity. For instance, if I had killed a bug in my haste with my hand, and fear would come to me that it might be some grecian frillo poisonous mosquito... my response would be "I am not going to be afraid" and I would like my fingers and say "bring it on you grecian frillo mosquito".

Back to the post - I have been fighting this comment for some time now, and it has been wearing on me. Why would I not want to run a marathon, am I afraid that I cannot? What in me is prideful enough to REFUSE to run a marathon? What have I not handed over yet? Boy, I had enough... so here is the announcement.

Benjamin Lloyd Stewart will be running a marathon

the end

The Little Pastor

So here I am, I finally get away from the guy and now I am doing this blog thing. I hear that people actually read this stuff (although I may be light-years behind the bell curve), nonetheless i am finally doing this thing.
Recently my friend posted a blog about the pet peeves that he has concerning the title of CP (Children's Pastor). So in response to that blog here are a few things to dispute the rantings of the Littlepastor ... some of you may find humorous! (check out his block here at http://littlepastor.blogspot.com/2008/05/abnormal-childrens-pastor.html)

1. I am a man - no argument there - leave that one alone
2. "I hate puppets" - I have actually seen several puppets in the dungeon at your place of work. May want to go look for those! Or you may be saving them for the recycle of the times
3. "I hate Kid's music" - I know for a fact that you play some Yancy downstairs :)
4. "I have never, nor ever will I, dress up like a clown" - I have secret evidence that you dressed up as an indian once - for the village people (refer to #1)
5. "I don't like 'Christian' movies for kids" - well...I dont like christian movies for adults either
.... I think I will stop here -

I love you man!